Update

Terrible, horrible and crazy me...I have not spoken to her for what seems like weeks now. Occisonally an sms here or there, but I can go on days without thinking of her now. What is going on? Is God answering my cries? Maybe...but I still need a clean break. That's what I think is best for her and myself. After all, why would I want to let someone who had the power to break me, break me once again?

She still writes to me, and the last letter I read tore a hole in my chest...yet again. The same hole I felt years back when I thought I was loosing her completely. I still don't believe she's back again. I can't believe she expects me to throw everything aside just to be back with someone who didn't appreciate or treasure me when she had a chance.

I don't think she has earned my trust yet nor will she ever get 100%, cause the moment we were finished I've learnt a valuble lesson. Love gives someone the power to break you. I can't be fixed ever since. I walk around with this pain in my chest. My eyes water at the slight rememberance of her. My body shuts down, couldn't eat nor drink or function like a normal human being. I stare at the wall for hours not knowing what I have left to live for. Not something I'll wish upon any living soul.

Things got better after I met W. Till I met G. Both played a part in bringing me out of my misery slightly. But I know I can never Love W 100% like how I did for J. Distrust and all...Sigh...Will I ever get over this? They said time heals. I'm still waiting.